Jelly Belli

 Friday Feels: People Leave, Things Change But Life Must Go On Let's dedicate Friday to heart to heart post. Sesi curhat , gosip-gosip barulah seronok baca kan uols. Sis perati jeee tau stats blog ni. Kalau cerita curhat ka, cerita personal bukan main mencanak views ya 😏 Anyway, sejak kebelakangan ni, tempat kerja sis asyik "hujan" dan "banjir" disatu dua tempat. Sebenarnya sejak Covid-19 ni, hidup sis pun asyik "hujan" ja. Rasanya ramai orang diluar sana pun sama kan. Memang lebih banyak cabaran berbanding tahun-tahun lain. Rasa frustrated, demotivated, rasa down, fed-up, homesick, helpless, lonely.  I'm very glad and thankful that I have a very good support system. Otherwise, maybe sis kena say hello to Tanjung Rambutan . Covid-19 and the challenges that come with it really make us reconsider our lives priorities. Things that really matter like family, job satisfaction, or mental health. And because of this, people are nudged or rather, pushed t...

Friday Feels: Patut Tak Kalian Mengamuk Bila Ada Perempuan Lain Bagi Emoji Love Di Sosial Media Pasangan Kalian? It's Friday people. TGIF!  Kita kasi topik chillex ala-ala Dr Love sikit lah sempena hari Jumaat kan.  Sebenarnya sis jarang dahlah nak cerita pasal relationship-relationship ni banding dulu-dulu masa aktif dunia dating, sebab rasa diri dah tua kan.  Kertu gitu haruskah bercinta ala-ala style remaja hormon kurang stabil?  Sis dah tak koserrrr ye. I'm too old and tired for the drama.  But anyway, cerita ni bukan cerita iols tau. Ianya diinspirasikan oleh kawan sis. Kawan I ni seorang gadis yang pemalu, yang menjaga batas pergaulan. Seorang yang agak berahsia pasal hal peribadi dia dan bukan senang dia nak bukak cerita melainkan bila dia rasa dah terbeban sangat.  Sebenarnya tak pernah pun dia cerita hal hubungan peribadi selama kenal dia. Nak dijadikan cerita, weols bersembang and dia cerita yang dia baru baik dari rasa tak sihat.  "Saya rasa...

 I Heard This Song Today And I Thought Of You Have you ever experienced this? A whiff of scent or a song that you have not heard for a long time, suddenly comes on and immediately transports you back to a place, a time, a person, or a memory that you have long forgotten? Like stepping into a time machine. A memory that was so fresh as if it just happened yesterday.  Or an emotion so raw and powerful that makes you wonder does time really heal? It's astounding how one song can trigger so much. Why does music evoke those specific memories  and takes us back to that time? I was listening to these songs the other day and it reminds me of this young girl who I haven't thought about for a very long time. She was naive and stupid but full of hope for life and the future, for what the world has to offer. Always being open to new experiences, new people. Mengejar cinta, cita dan harapan. Chasing love, hopes, and dreams. She has so many hopes and dreams for herself, of things she w...

I don't really share about my personal life but today, I lost a dear friend. You know that kind of person that never really leave your life?  That friend that no matter what happens, will always gravitate back into your life especially when you are having a hard time? That kind of friend that says they miss you and then googled your name to see what picture of you that might come up? Yes, he is that kind of friend. And now he has left me for good. Our path first crossed many-many years ago, at a time when I was at my lowest.  We were from a different world. Mine was rose-tinted, safe, and secure. While his world was shadier and truly complicated.  Our personality was also of the polar opposite. I was the serious and disciplined type and he is free-spirited, just kinda breezing through life. Carefree, funny, and a soft-spoken guy. Sometimes things just clicked. 7 years ago, we dated briefly and in that short time, I learned so much about life outside of my bubble. Of all ...

This Morning, I Woke Up Feeling Like Shit. You know that feeling when you generally feel like crap when you woke up. Not enough sleep you ask me? No, definitely not that. I've had sleepless nights before and I woke up feeling like a vegetable but definitely not feeling like shit.  My hormone is probably out of whack. It's nearly that time of the month so I can safely put the blame on hormonal changes. Being on the wrong side of 30, you can definitely blame your hormones for things that aren't right with your body. or life. Lol.  Also things like "Why it's so difficult for me to lose weight?" or "Why the fats refused to go to my boobs but prefer my thighs instead?" Go ahead and blame it on hormones too. Well, of course being stressed can also throw your hormones off balance. Am I under stress ? I don't need a quiz to tell me that I am definitely stressed. In our current situation, who isn't?! Despite feeling shitty, I got up and got ready f...

This pandemic and never-ending MCO is putting a toll on everyone. Be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially, each and every one of us is affected. A lot of people are also struggling to keep their sanity during this uncertain time.  Including myself There are times when I feel like I'm losing hope and felt demotivated. You know, when everything just feels pointless? Lackadaisical - lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy. Exactly what I'm feeling most of the time. What I've learnt over the past year, to cope with this feeling is to celebrate small wins every day. Honestly, it is hard some days but I do try to celebrate the small things that make me happy every day. Although most of the time, it's food-related. But whatever that makes us happy kan? So yesterday after 3 weeks-ish of not going to the mall, I went to Midvalley Mega Mall. Following all SOPs of course.  Do uble masking and sembur sanitiser sana sini. Pergi mall je pun dah small win...

Confession of An Introvert Living In Extrovert World I'm an introvert through and through.  The older I get, the more introverted I become and I embraced this whole-heartedly. One advantage that comes with age is you understand yourself better and be more comfortable with who you are.  It's a learning process but I no longer want to conform, seek validation or live my life pleasing others. I'm a listener, observer, and analyzer and would usual ly prefer peace and quiet. In a conversation, I tend to listen, analyze what is said, and say something only when I feel like I have something important to contribute.  I am neither shy nor holding myself back, I just don't find it necessary to say something just for the sake of speaking.  I'm detailed oriented, organized, work independently and strive to complete my task. But I'm never good enough.  I will never be good enough because this is an extrovert world and success or capability is measured and apprai...

KLMJ ~ Kenangan Lalu Mengusik Jiwa adalah satu ungkapan yang sering digunakan apabila seseorang itu mengenang kembali kenangan lampau Masa kehidupan sosial sis sangat active dek kerana active berTinderina beberapa tahun lepas, hidup i bolehlah dikatakan meriah, berwarna-warni, full of surprises dengan pelbagai gelagat & tingkah laku penghuni Tinder. Masa tu, I tidak berkira dengan masa & tenaga melayan, berkawan dengan orang.  Nak jumpa & lepak mamak pukul 10 malam? Okay on.  Nak pergi roller-bladding kat Tasik Titiwangsa pukul 8 malam? Takda hal, pukul 7.30pm dah siap.  Not necessarily happier, but lots of up & down, jalan-jalan berliku mengenali diri dan manusia.  Sepanjang masa sis berkawan dengan mereka ini, memang perwatakkan iols adalah seorang yang mengambil berat, mild-mannered & not some psycho, gold digging bitch kan.  Normal lah berkawankan. So kadang-kadang kita dengar dia cerita pasal bad days, kadang-kadang kita pulak yang melua...

Sejak-sejak Covid 19 ni, kita kena hidup dalam norma baru. Kena biasakan diri pakai pelitup muka, amalkan penjarakkan sosial (yang ni sis gemar sangat sebab tak suka tempat sesak/ bersesak dengan orang), basuh tangan dengan kerap.  Satu lagi norma baru adalah bekerja dari rumah ataupun work from home (WFH).   Masa MCO bulan Mac hari tu, excited bila WFH sebab pengalaman pertama. But let me tell you, it was more like WORK FROM HELL for me & my team.  Mungkin bagi sesetengah syarikat/ jabatan/ department, WFH ni sangat heaven untuk diorang. Boleh bangun lewat, boleh lepak-lepak main game, tido, makan sambil "buat kerja".  Ramai orang yang tidak berada di tempat sis pun ingat weols macam tu  "Seronoklah korang WFH kan. takde kerja nak buat"  Hamboi hamboi hamboi mulut. It was nothing like that at all for us. It was pure torture! In fact we prefer to work from office.  Pros of WFH   Besides reducing infection risk la kan. duhhhh     1. S...

No, No Need To Read This Ya auloh sis. Kenapa baca jugak? Sokay, since you are here might as well read on my ramblings eh? How are you guys doing? These past few weeks have been a very challenging time for all of us and trust me, everyone is doing their best to go through it. Difficult & challenging times can bring out either the best or the worse of people. I've seen both but in my line of work (which has gotten absolutely crazy since MCO & working from home), I definitely experience more bad than good. Understandably that there is a lot of uncertainty, anxiousness and emotions are flying all over the place, but people are really free & bored and what they do is find faults, attack & bash others, be so impatient, rude & mean! There is only so much negativity I can handle from work/ customer and when I log in to social media to refresh, distract myself, BOOM! Another big mistake. Facebook, Instagram is even worse. So many arguments, more criticiz...

Yesterday I had an extremely weird dream.  You know sometimes you dreamt about those who have passed away but often these dream didn't left me feeling confuse and they didn't affect me a lot. I dreamt about my dearly departed friend, A.  Mind you, I never dreamt about him before and I wasn't thinking about him before I sleep. A was my secondary school classmate. He was a very smart guy and 3 of us with another classmate always in close competition for the number 1 spot in class. He was also the head prefect during my time. He's so smart that sometimes it gets annoying arguing with him. We weren't that close personally and after we left school, we never really kept in touch but without fail, every festive season he will send a text wishing me well.  Every year. Every festive season. Without fail. So he holds a special place in my heart for his thoughtfulness. The last I heard of him, he was pursuing PhD in our hometown. I was happy for him as he is ...

  Pernah jumpa tak manusia yang indah khabar dari rupa? Ataupun manusia yang dalam sosial media adalah seseorang yang sangat menarik hidupnya, melancong sana sini, kelihatan peramah dengan cerita-cerita pasal orang sekeliling dia tapi dalam kehidupan sebenar, agak sendu dan krik krik? Pernah kan? Inilah manusia dua alam dimana alam maya dan alam realiti dia berbeza umpama langit dan bumi. Ada seorang manusia ni, kita namakan dia XX (bukan nama sebenar). XX ni sering update cerita panjang lebar dalam sosial media dia. Satu gambar dia upload selalu disertakan dengan karangan 2 mukasurat.  Ada sekali dia upload gambar makanan yang diberikan rakan sekerja dia. Mulalah karangan 2 muka surat dia menceritakan mak si anu masak makanan lebih sikit untuk dia, si polan pun bagi makanan. Betapa murahnya rezeki dia dan bertuah dikelilingi kawan-kawan yang baik dan thoughtful. Wahhh kemain. Tapi dalam alam realiti, dia manusia berperangai pelik dan tidak boleh difahami. K...

Excuse me while I clean the spider web on this blog. Bersawang dan berhabuk sis. Lama sangat tak update gitu kan. Sometimes I wonder if there are people who still read my blog. Lols. Readership has dwindled. Maybe a lot of people does not read blog or switch from FB to other social media. Maybe I need to think of juicier contents? So anyway, this is a bla bla post means it's a random musing and takde pengajaran moral pun. Kalau bosan dan takde tujuan hidup silalah baca. Hihi I don't know if any of you felt what I feel, like life has become one big blur moment of going to work then back to work, repeat until the day you die. I feel like a robot. Urghhh work.  Mid-quarter midlife crisis la kot sis ni. Ataupun sis mengalami burnout? Mungkin sis perlukan rutin baru? sesuatu kelainan dalam hidup? staycation? vacation? Tapi yang pasti, sis terasa sangat drained (direct translation: longkang). Macam mana eh nak explain maksud drained ni? Uols paham-paham sendiri la k. ...

How many times have we look at celebrities or stars and envy how perfect they look? "Omg we are the same age and she looked so young and fabulous!" "Both of us have 3 kids but I look like something the cat dragged in and she looks glamorous! How does she do it?" Or you know some random instafamous/ influencer who is famous for being famous and you wonder what actually they do and contribute to society. They look so perfect and a lot of girls be like "macam mana nak jadi cantik macam ni?" "Bodygoals" "Tak pernah tak cantik" And then all these girls, already feeling insecure, strive to be like their idol. Doing everything they can to look like that but are never quite successful. Ended up feeling more insecure about themselves. Do you know what is the difference between them and us mere mortals? They have money and we don't. Or maybe not as much as them. With loads of money, they can afford to have a glam team b...

My Secret Fantasy Of Living Off The Grid I have this secret fantasy of living off the grid. You know, like to disappear and living or doing something without people knowing. Unnoticed, incognito, anonymous. No paper trail, no electronic trail.  Totally untraceable. Preferably in a lush jungle, on a mountain, where it's covered by mist every morning.  Read: 15 Ways To Live Off The Grid According To Wikihow No, it's not like I have massive debts or hutang along that I have to run away from society.  It's just that I have this desire to be incognito. I guess being an introvert has something to do with this.  We live in a world where we are constantly watched and monitored. With the advancement of technology, we are easily reachable.  I remembered the good old days without handphones or smartphones, life was so much simpler back then. Nowadays, your boss can even WhatsApp you at 12am and demand you to reply, even though it's out of the working hours....