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Oh Shit Man!


Yes. This is the story of my misadventures /misfortunes which "Oh Shit Man!!!" is always the best response.

 The other day, I went shopping for bikinis and I was trying on a few different sizes. With each try, I got more and more depressed. 

Yes, as I become fitter, my cup size reduced. My usual cup size does not fit anymore. It's too loose!

 OH SHIT MAN. Where's my boobs?
OH SHIT MAN
And the other day, when I got home, my housemate told me the plaster ceiling in my room collapsed. 

 OH SHIT MAN. 

 I consider myself lucky because it collapsed when I'm not at home. Imagine what would happen if it collapse while I'm sleeping? 

The amazing thing is it does not fall on my wardrobe and shelf full of beauty products but instead landed on the floor.

Now I have to find a new house to rent sebelum Cik Panda kena timbus siling. Cik Pah dan Cik Meow menganjing Cik Panda.
Burried and still looking cute uolssss. Cik Panda harus lah lagi kiut

 "You bayangkan you kena timbus tu tapi tangan you masih gigih swipe tinder."

 Cik NNS lagi hebat. Dia cakap you bayangkan you keluar paper, tajuk berita

 "Gadis Sado Dihempap Siling Masih Gigih Menswipe Tinder."

 OH SHIT MAN. Lawak gila. Bwahahahahha. 

 Memang. Memang Cik Panda masih gigih menswipe Tinder kalau tak, takde la Cik Panda berdating ye?

 And a 21 year old guy have the guts to ask me out. 

OH SHIT MAN. Cik Panda rasa macam pedophile pulak sekarang. 

 So the other day, I went out with this guy I knew from months back, let's just call him M. From Tinder obviously. It was our first meeting. MEETING katanyaaaa. 

 A few hours before the date, he suddenly texted me "You..."

 Ah sudahhh. Is he going to cancel on me? Cik Panda is kenot handle anymore disappoinments at the moment because this past few days have been very disapponting with few people cancelling on me.

 Plus, I kinda look forward to a friday night out.

 It turns out that he just wanted to tell me, in case I'm going to be embarassed, that he is going to meet me with a bandaged ear as he just had a minor surgery in the morning. 

If anything, I'm grateful that he didn't cancel on me.

 So there was I, all doll up, sitting in the carpark of the place where we are supposed to meet when suddenly I couldn't find my purse. I left it at home. 

 OH SHIT MAN!!!!

 How am I going to pay for things?

 I can't expect my date to pay! I'm a classy lady for God's sake. 

OH SHIT OH SHIT. 

I've got no choice but to tell him that he might need to cover for me first and I'll pay him later. 

 Sigh. So much for a good first impression. 

 I've been out with a lot of gym guys and I can tell you, they watched their diet like NAZI. 

There was one time I had dinner with D, he was eating a caesar salad and I on the other hand, ate RICE. 

RICE freaking RICE. I felt like a pig.

 When out with M, I ordered a club sandwich with fries and salad. He's on medication and had to pantang from eating certain things so ended up I'm the only one eating. 

Again, I felt like a pig. 
Yes I felt like this when I'm eating with a health conscious guy.
I only ate one sandwich and he suggested that I tapau but not before adding a comment

 "Tapau la. You kan selalu lapar tengah malam. Ni makan ni nanti tengah malam."

 OH SHIT MAN

 Belum apa-apa dah menganjing Cik Panda nampak. Sebenarnya sepanjang malam tu dia asyik menganjing dan membahan Cik Panda. In a teasing joking way.

 We actually spent 3 hours talking and laughing. I find it very comfortable talking to him and we were the last customer to leave at 1.30am. 

It was nice. Not the best date but not the worse either. He walked me to my car and I drove him to his car, parked at another level.

 We chat for a bit before he got down the car and asked me to text him when I arrived home safely.

 Well, it's nice. 

 As I was driving home, my petrol indicator is blinking madly and I was like

 "OH SHIT MAN. I don't have cash on me! Not even an atm card or my IC or my driving license."

 But I got home safe. Don't worry. 
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