A Decade Without You, We Miss You Papak

Today, 22nd of July marks the 10th year my father has left us to be with the Lord. It's amazing how time flies when it felt like only yesterday he was with us.

10 years is indeed a very long time but not when you kept someone in your heart forever. Never a day passed without any of us thinking about him. Sometimes, we talk as if he is still very much around.

While it's easy to remember his smile, I'm really afraid that one day I'll forget his voice or his laughter or the way he called my name.

I missed seeing "papak" popped up on my caller ID or text messages. I wonder how different life would be if he is still around. I can imagine the look of pride and happiness on his face when he hold his first grandson, Jovian for the first time.

I imagined him playing and tickling Jovi and telling Jovi that he will come along to his next hunting trip.

"Amm ngau akik tam-tam auk?"

I imagined that he is very proud of our achievements and talents and how we grew up to be responsible adults.

I'm sure he is very proud of JJ's workmanship in building the wooden fence surrounding the porch to keep dogs away. Or gegirl's dedication to her work and made her mum happy by buying her a washing machine so she doesn't have to handwash their clothes.

Truth is, time does not heal. It just lessens the pain.

When I'm laying in the dark, trying to sleep and a memory of him sneaked in. Immediately I'm overcome with this grief so raw like it was only yesterday I saw how weak he was, how much pain he endured and how helpless he become in fighting cancer. It's only natural that I started crying and sobbing.

But now he is in a better place, without all the pain and sickness.

While they say our departed loved ones are watching over us all the time, there are days where I don't feel that.

Maybe they are like stars in the daylight, not seen or felt but is always there.

Papak, I pray that you are healthy, happy and loved wherever you are.

10 years and counting till the day that we will be united again, to hug and kiss you, to hear you say how silly we were for crying and pining over you when eventually we will go home and see you again.

Till then, we will meet in the gardens of memories and the palace of dreams.

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