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Girls Talk: Dating, Neediness and Desperation

Girls Talk: Dating, Neediness, And Desperation

Who do people date? 

People date for a lot of reasons. Some to find a spouse, some date just for fun while some date to expand their social circles.


To me, personally, I date because I met someone interesting and wanted to get to know them more. Spending time together to discover what kind of person they are, their values, goals, or passions, only then do I decide if they are compatible with me.

Unfortunately, many girls skip this part when it comes to dating to find a partner or spouse. Probably because they can't wait to jump on the "Marriage Bandwagon"?

When they met a guy who showed the slightest bit of interest in them, their mind instantly goes into relationship mode. 

They are already thinking of a relationship with this guy even before they go on a date. 

The truth is, many girls date to be in a relationship or marriage. You hear them say "I want a boyfriend" or "I want a husband". 

Never do they say "I want to meet someone who seems right for me, date him and see if we are compatible together". 

Most people are in love with the idea of love. or the idea of a person.

It's like buying something without actually knowing and understanding the product. 

What happens to date a guy casually, have fun, and get to know him better? 


I believe in that process, you get to know yourself better too. The funny thing is, when people hear that you are dating someone, they'll immediately go 

"OMG. Is this the guy you're going to marry?"


Yes, you might be worrying that you are wasting your time or your biological clock is ticking loudly (as if girls have an expiry date), I think it's better to take it slow than to settle and be with someone who treats you like shit. 

I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about our failed previous relationships and the subject of neediness and desperation came up. 

Both of us agreed that we made the mistake of being too needy and not having our own life outside of that relationship. 

We made them our whole life, our everything. We don't go out with our friends anymore, we don't keep our interests separate from that relationship and we spend every free moment with them. 

It's like we don't have our own life. 

Sometimes, that's what girls do. Sacrifice everything in the name of love. 

Pffftttt...We give, give, and continue to give in the hole that they will love us more. Did they? No. We are only helping them to become a selfish person. 

Oftentimes, when we feel that the guy is emotionally distant, starting to pull away or ask for some space, we feel that it is our responsibility to rescue the "relationship', to pull them back. 

Bombard them with messages, calls, asking them what's wrong.

"Is it anything that I did?"

"I care for you. please don't do this". 

The best thing you can do is, cease all contact and give them the space they asked for. Not even a simple "hi. Hope you are doing okay" text. 

I know it's hard to do but it's what you should do. It's called The Elastic Band Theory. 

How Not To Become Needy?

When you are infatuated with this person, it's easy to cross the boundaries. If you think you are being needy, take a step back and follow these tips.

1. Have Your Own Life, Interest, And Friends. 

This happens all the time, when someone is in a new relationship, their partner becomes their whole world and they lose themselves as a person.

They suddenly neglect their personal growth and development. I know, I've been there.

You have to be comfortable and happy on your own. Someone needy feels she has to talk to her man all the time and needs him to tell her how he feels all the time and wants him there 24/7. 

You don't NEED a boyfriend. So when you get one, remember, you were once fine without him.

Don't skip your favorite Zumba class just to spend more time with him. Don't cancel your girls' night out because he calls you at the last minute. Don't be on-call for him 24/7. 

Don't make yourself too available. He is a part of your life, not your whole life.

2. Learn How To Cope With Your Anxiety

When you are away from him, do you feel anxious? Does your mind goes into an overdrive thinking who is he with, what is he doing, is he cheating on me, is he going to leave me, or is something bad going to happen to him?

Please stop. You are only driving yourself crazy. 

Being needy often comes from that deep-seated fear of abandonment or being replaced. It can be very helpful to your relationship and well-being to receive professional help if you are dealing with anxiety

3. Stop Obsessing Over Their Social Media

Nothing good can come from looking at likes and comments and who’s following who. It’s just torturing you.

If you feel the need to snoop and obsessing about every minor detail of their online behaviour, you need to have a big conversation about your lack of trust in the relationship, or your feelings of internal security in general.

Am I Desperate For Love?

I once told my friend about this bus driver who keeps calling, texting, and asking me out. My friend then said to me 

"For God's sake, you are Cynthia! you can get someone better than that. Are you that desperate?!?"

To me, I was just being friendly and being friends with everyone regardless of who they are but to my friend, I was desperate. 

That is not desperate. Desperate is trying hard to lose weight because your love interest says you are too fat. 

Desperate is sacrificing and losing yourself to gain love and affection from someone. 

Desperate is the willingness to be with someone who treated you like shit because you think it's love. 

Desperate is the eagerness to please with "Please Love Me" sticking on your forehead. 

Read THIS article I find funny but true

What I'm trying to say here is, you are a wonderful and amazing person. In your own way. 

Don't settle for relationships where you are not loved, respected, and treated well. Don't spend your entire life looking to be in a relationship. Discover and love yourself first. 

And being single is not the end of the world. Oftentimes, it's better than being in a relationship.
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