Pertengahan tahun lepas, iols berkenalan dengan A.
We got along fine, chemistry pun okay. Boleh layan loyar buruk masing-masing. Boleh bergurau dan bersenda sendu.
So weols meet up la one day tu over supper.
Then dia cakap "We should go for coffee again one day."
Dan seperti jantan puaka yang lain, dia menchipsmorekan diri with a few odd text here and there. Biasalah, kerja offshore katanya and only got short text once in a while when he's in town.
But we never met again.
Then suatu hari, penghujung 2015, dia tiba-tiba text kata nak jumpa iols. Masa tu iols was in a relationshit dan disebabkan iols ingin berubah dan nak hormati relationshit tu, cakap lah kat A ni
"Sorry I can't be more than friends with you. I'm kinda seeing somebody now."
Tiba-tiba A sentap. Cakap kenapa I tak tunggu dia.
"I like you! Why didn't you wait for me and got yourself a bf!"
"Eh dah you tiba-tiba menghilang. takde khabar berita. what do you expect me to do? Tunggu you sampai berkulat?"
"I offshore kan? Macam mana nak text or contact you kat tengah laut?"
"habis tu before you offshore tu you tak boleh bagitau I ke you nak offshore and please wait for me?"
Still sentap and still blame me.
Maka iols cakap "but we can always be friends what"
"No! I can't stand seeing you, somebody I like with somebody else."
K foinnee. Taknak kawan sudeehhh. Masa tu iols dilemma sebab iols pun sebenarnya suka dengan dia. suka berkawan kan sebab bukan senang nak jumpa orang yang kita boleh sekepala so iols cuba cara diplomatik pulak.
Iols cuba cakap dengan cara yang baik tapi dia masih berkeras it's him or the relationshit guy.
Dilemma uols.
Tapi iols fikir balik, sanggup ke iols commit dengan orang yang macam chipsmore? Takkan la nak text sebelum offshore pun tak boleh? Takkan la kat offshore tak mampu langsung nak contact kalau ye pun.
I know myself and I know that I prefer not to.
Sentap lebih pulak dia tu. Iols malas fikir banyak, terus delete je number dia.
But these pest, they have a habit of creeping up when you are recovering and happy without them.
Tiba-tiba, almost a year later, I received a text from him.
"Hmm who's this ya?"
"It's A. You don't remember me or you didn't save my number?"
"Ohh A. Yang sentap sebab I got myself a bf tu kan?"
"hahaha shut up! you are still an ass yeah?"
Iols direct je cakap dia tu lah yang ass and a jerk.
Apparently he's in town and asked how was I doing, long time didn't talked to each other.wanted to see me tapi yang tak tahan tu suruh I drive over to his place.
Hey. Ingat iols bodoh ke? A jerk will always be a jerk. Jantan puaka will always be jantan puaka.
Memang tak lah.
"Why are you single?" dia tanya kita pulak.
"I don't know."
"You are hot and pretty. and knowing you, you are awesome kot. Tipulah kalau cakap takde orang nak kat you."
Choiiii ayat jantan sial sangat. Bila taktik memujuk dia tak berjaya dia try taktik sweet talker. Hampeh.
Sebenarnya kan, iols tak pernah rasa diri iols ni cantik ke pretty ke hot ke apatah lagi awesome
I always think "If I'm that awesome, how come everyone choose to leave me?"
Once, there was this one person who I really liked a lot. It's complicated but when we met again he was with someone else his family wanted him to marry.
"I'm addicted to you. How do I choose someone who knew me better than myself and accept me for who I am and someone who I know will make my mom happy? I prayed for guidance on who should I marry but I can't see her face."
He ended up marrying her.
How do you get over that?
Time and time again when they choose someone else over me, it's natural to start questioning my self-worth.
Am I not good enough? What is wrong with me?
So macam biasa iols mengadulah dengan bfftj iols who I can always count on for pep talk and uplifting support.
"You are awesome. That's why they don't deserve you. Not everyone deserve somebody like you. Tuhan bagi you yang sangat sangat bagus. Jangan sedih-sedih, I kan ada. Tumbuk je mamat tuh."
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| Thank you for always having my back :) |
There is nothing wrong with you. You are not ugly, unlovable or damaged. You are beautiful and perfect just the way you are and if they can't see that, it's their lost.
You are special and they don't deserve you.
Put yourself in your father's or mother's shoes. Would you want your precious daughter to be treated badly, taken for granted or cheated on?
No right?
You would want your precious daughter to be treated with love and respect.
Makanya iols berkata kepada diri sendiri
"Persetankan jantan puaka itu semua. They don't deserve your time or attention!"
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