Are You A Good Listener?

My first post in 2014. Yipeeeddoo!

Besides having my laptop reformatted (thank God for tech savvy brother), the internet line in my Landeh house really sucks and i was too busy socialising and spending time with friends and families. Hence, the delay in updating blog.

Well anyway, back to reality.

We all have someone we feel comfortable confiding in aren't we? and we often try to be a good friend by listening to our friends when they tell us their problems, dilemma, conflicts, love/life/work drama. But are we really a good listener?

Pamela Cooper, vice president of the International Listening Association, said there is often a misconception that when we hear, we listen. There is a difference between listening and hearing someone. Being a good listener helps you see the world through the eyes of others. It enriches your understanding and expands your capacity for empathy. It is a monumentally important skill used in marriage, friendship, parenthood, management and just about every kind of relationship. Without listening skills, we're poor communicators, Cooper says.

Because well, we all just wanted to feel like someone cared for us and when people took the time and effort to listen to us, they made us feel like we really mattered.

Let's see if we are guilty of these bad listening habits:

Distracting yourself.
Sending one little text message, focusing on a text message, or your Instagram feed, or that dog over there or the shopping list you need to make is telling the speaker that those things are more important than what she is saying.

Interrupting.
This bad habit is three things: Self explanatory, rude and a sign that you're not listening.

Topping the speaker's story.
Imagine you're excitedly telling a friend about a vacation you're planning, when he decides to cut in: "I lived there for three years and have toured the bla bla a couple dozen times, and really prefer the bla bla bla... " There's certainly nothing wrong with engaging in a conversation, but cutting into the speaker's story to talk about yourself is a sign you weren't digesting his or her message.Lose the "me too" habit. Just let the speaker talks.

Problem finding.
We think we are being helpful but we're not. Someone with this habit thinks, "I'm listening, but only enough to find a problem and fix it for you," Sometimes this person is so skilled in the habit that he or she will find problems that aren't even there.

There are many tips on how to be a good listener on the net. Here's one of them. But in summary, to be a good listener:

1. Be attentive, understanding and concentrate on the person in front of you
2. Do not be JUDGEMENTAL
3. Do not interrupt the speaker with your "me too" stories.
4. Don't try to be a problem fixer and only give advice when they ask for it.

When you have a friend who is a good listener, someone you can talk to about everything under the sky without feeling like you are being judged, or without having to keep secrets, its like finding a rare gem.

And i try to be that person everyday.

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