Self Love Is A Journey

https://www.recoverywarriors.com/10-ways-to-self-love/

Do you know someone who kept going back to those who keep hurting them both emotionally and physically?

Or someone who stays in a relationship where he or she is treated badly and never can't leave because they think they will not find anyone better?

Or are you that person?

We all have been there, including myself. 

In the recent 10 years challenge, a lot of people participated. Berabis dia kurik gambar-gambar lama yang paling bida sekali. Most of us focus on the physical change but those picture can't show the emotional change we went through in those 10 years.

10 years ago, I was confused, in-denial, had a low self-esteem, I was clingy & needy and was in a relationship that did not bring the best in me. 

I lose myself, my identity. In fact, my life revolved around that relationship.

I accepted being treated poorly because I did not love myself enough to stand up for myself and say

"Look. I deserve better than this and I'm not afraid to walk away."

Over the years since then, I've had many flings where I was again treated as an option and not a priority. All probably because I did not learn anything about self-love or I was desperate for validation.

So jerks after jerks come and haunt me.

At one time, I was involved with a narcissist who made my life felt like a roller coaster. One high moment followed by a very low and depressed moment. And i accepted being treated like that. 

Ohh you know, as long as I get validation and attention.

Up until one night where I can't take it anymore. I imagined if my sister or my daughter is treated like that.

Hell no! I will cut off his balls!

And that is the starting point of my self-love journey.

Today, I'm at a much better place emotionally. 

I remember one time 2 years ago. There was one guy who I had great chemistry with. We can talk for hours about anything but he come and go as he please or only talk to me when he's bored or lonely.

The old, low self-esteem me would have drop everything and attend to him whenever he wants to see me.

But the new & improved version of me say 

"Hell no! If you can't commit to the friendship/ relationship, then baik you berambus. I've only got time for people who got time for me"

*fliphair* Gituuuhhhhh kan.

Today, if any guy treated me like shit, I'll be very happy to tell him that he is a jerk and walked away.

Self-love is not about being selfish. Brash or loud or snobbish or arrogant.

Self-love to me is to put my own needs as priority. It's about knowing my strength and accepting my weakness. 

1. Happiness lies in my own hand

Perhaps the most important lesson about self-love that I learnt. For so many years, I look for happiness in others, expecting them to make me happy. 

That is very unfair to that person. You are responsible for your own happiness

There was this one person who depends on me for his happiness. He will get upset and block me on social media, deleted my number etc when I do not give him attention. And when he cools down, he will come crawling back, apologize and the cycle repeats.

It's damn exhausting. Frankly told him he is toxic and please get lost. Lol. And he wasn't even anyone special but behaved like I owe him the world.

I learnt to be happy and content in my own company. Find things to do that makes me happy (reading, exercising, gardening, baking, cooking). Well, it also helps that I'm an introvert so I appreciate solitude.

Do something you are good at!

Learn how to make yourself happy, so that you’re able to communicate to future partners how they can make you happy too

2. People Treat You The Way They See You Treat Yourself

You teach others how to treat you. If you don't value yourself, others will see that it's okay to treat you poorly. So set high standards for yourself. If you don’t love yourself first, you’re not going to have any standard as to how others should treat you.

You’ll notice that as you become better in loving yourself, you’ll cut ties with certain people because they don’t make you feel good, don’t uplift you, or they don’t help you grow.

The more you love yourself, the less likely you are to tolerate negativity & disrespect. 

3. Always Be Thankful

I know sometimes it's hard to be thankful when things does not happen the way you wanted it to be.

And it's even harder when you start comparing yourself with others. Comparison is a thief of joy. It will never make you feel better.

Admittedly, it's hard not to feel envious or jealous of the "wonderful, glamorous life" of others when I'm scrolling through social media. When I start to feel like this, I know it's time to do "social media detox" and focus on my life.

Everyday, I'm consciously finding something to be thankful of and amazingly, more good things come my way.

4. Take Care Of Yourself

Not only mentally and emotionally, but also physically. Exercise and eat well, not because you are punishing your body, but do it because you love it and you want it to be healthy.

Exercise is a celebration of the amazing things your body can do and feed it with nutrients, not junks.

I'm still learning, there are days when I stumbled, when I doubt myself and did not love myself enough. But then again, it's a journey so it's okay to fall sometimes and pick yourself up again.


More self love tips HERE and HERE